Leaning Forward Without Rushing
It’s the first Sunday of the new year - a time when many are still clinging to their holiday break, gearing up to return to work. For me, it’s another Sunday, another dance with the “Sunday Scaries.” Except this time, it’s not just the week ahead weighing on me, but the entire year ahead. Scary.
I’ve never been one for resolutions. They’ve always felt like ticking time bombs of disappointment—gym memberships that gather dust, lofty goals that lose their shine. Instead, I quietly reflect. I reflect on what I’ve accomplished, where I’ve stumbled, and where I’d like to be a year from now. Not goals, just considerations. But this year feels…different.
The Weight of the Past
I’ll admit it - leading through COVID took a lot out of me. It demanded everything I had and then some. I learned a lot. I think I made a positive impact. But I didn’t invest in myself.
Before the pandemic, I was in a good place. I’d earned my MBA, lost 50 pounds, and, more importantly, reconnected with parts of myself that I hadn’t seen in years. During COVID, I let myself off the hook. I used the pandemic as an excuse to stop focusing on myself. I haven't said this part out loud, but I took the easy path and allowed myself to slack off.
“I’m too busy,” I’d tell myself. Too busy to exercise. Too busy to read. Too busy to pause and breathe. And without realizing it, I never really moved past that mindset. I coach others to lean forward, grow, and improve - but somehow, I’ve been stuck leaning back, weighed down both literally and figuratively. Oof.
Finding the Beauty in the Chaos
Over the holiday break, I spent time cleaning up - deleting old photos, clearing files, trying to reestablish some semblance of order in my world. Somewhere in the middle of it all, I realized I accomplished quite a bit last year. Trips that expanded my worldview. Successes that left a mark. Moments that mattered. But I wasn’t acknowledging them. I was rushing from one milestone to the next obstacle - helping my daughter figure out school, addressing work challenges, trying to create the perfect course, dealing with other issues life presents, and skipping past the beauty of life to wrestle with its chaos.
That isn’t healthy.
As I’m getting older - and no, this isn’t a milestone year; I’m just firmly in my mid-50s - I’ve noticed my mind and body slowing down. At first, it frustrated me. Ok, let's get real - it freakin' pisses me off. But now, I wonder if this isn’t nature’s way of nudging me to live more meaningfully. To stop rushing and start savoring. Taking more time to appreciate the family that supports me. The team who leaves me unsigned notes of encouragement or tells me when "we got this." The industry peers who take the time to lend their expertise, supporting or challenging my ideas.
A Shift in Focus
This year, I’m placing less emphasis on stuff and more on experiences - on travel, culture, and connection. Less on personal recognition and more on impact and helping others grow. I want to step away from the noise of social media and focus on genuine connections, investing in those communities where I belong and can contribute. I want to embrace a healthier mind and body, not through rigid sacrifice, but through exploration - hiking trails, savoring the world’s wonders. Losing weight not for the scale but for the joy of movement. This also includes fitting more comfortably into an international economy seat.
The holiday break reminded me that the “stuff” I was carrying - unfinished projects, loose ends - was/is weighing me down. I tried to clear it all, and when I couldn’t, the anxiety crept in. But today, I feel differently. It’s time to slow down. To focus on what truly matters and what will have the greatest impact. To trade the endless scroll for a good book. Substitute the rush to find answers for the patience to help others discover their own. To stop standing on my past accomplishments and start seeking new things to learn, absorb, and appreciate.
Resolute, Not Revolutionary.
Is this a resolution? Not really. I’m not setting targets or making promises. But I do feel more resolute in my intentions. This year isn’t about rushing forward or staying stuck in the past. It’s about leaning forward, intentionally and purposefully, one step at a time. As I sit here on this quiet Sunday, reflecting on what’s ahead, I feel okay. Maybe even better than okay.
Take a moment if you’re feeling the “Sunday Scaries” too. Breathe. Reflect. And know that if you’re not okay, that’s okay too. Maybe we can figure it out together.
Happy New Year!
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